From the Annals: "The Phantom Itch"

We, at The Ink Society, do not stand for "Chronologic Snobbery" even in the recent past. Therefore, it seems only fitting to recognize that what was written before might even be more seasonable and felicitous today. With this principle before us, we offer the following from the annals of The Ink Society: 

 Well, the wind was blowin' a gale from the north and did not seem interested in entertaining visitors, so we took refuge with the kids and extended family in a theatre putting ourselves at the mercy of another form of wind (which turned out to be more mild but much less fresh). The lights had gone down and the movie was starting when a clinking beneath my chair was heard. Upon checking my pockets, I discovered I was no longer in possession of my pocket knife. Assuming it was the sound I had heard, I proceeded to wait an hour and half for the lights to come up. Mysteriously even with the added light, no knife appeared, and now here I am having lost my knife. (more)